Grief

Girl Grieving by the sea

How can counselling help?

Many people find grief hard to understand, and harder to cope with. Some tell themselves they ‘should’ be feeling better by now or they can’t cope. Counselling provides a safe place dedicated to you to discuss whatever you wish and without judgement.

Active Thinking ... our blog

The Love Trap

I’ve been bad :( It’s mental health awareness week again and I realise I haven’t posted for ages :(( In fact while I'm kicking myself, I’ve also been eating too much sugar and I haven’t done enough exercise, the car needs washing and ... :(((( I can feel my head...

Who needs feelings anyway?

Someone once described emotions as lights on our dashboard. They indicate that something needs our attention under the hood. We can ignore the light, turn it off, even break it. We may be able to carry on for a while, maybe indefinitely limp along, but is it safe and are we the best us that we can be? The problem doesn’t go away unless we look at it.

And…how are you?

This time of year there are traditionally two strong messages circulating from all corners of society.

The Anxious Child

WARNING: the following post is NOT yet another reason to feel like a bad parent. No need to grit your teeth in anguish as you anticipate being shown yet another error in your ways. If your child is fed, deflead and relatively clean, had a real vegetable at some point...

Grief, mourning and bereavement are just a few words used to describe the time we spend adjusting to loss. Most of us grieve when we lose something that is important to us, maybe a loved one or a relationship.

 

 

Some people describe feeling nothing, numb or empty after a loss and may not begin the process of grieving until weeks, months or even years later.  And we will each experience loss in different ways and with different feelings.

Grief can feel unbearable, but it is important and necessary to help us heal.

‘There is no growth without loss, there also is no loss without growth’ – Elisabeth Kubler Ross

Stages of Grief

Kubler-Ross talks about the feelings and stages of loss that we all go through at our own pace;

Denial

Some people describe grief as all-consuming, filling every part of their body and mind and the world can suddenly seem overwhelming and denying our loss can help us survive, help us to cope with carrying on through our day-to-day tasks.

Anger

We need to experience anger as part of the healing process and our anger could be directed in so many places; at the loved one for leaving us, at the doctors, at the family around. Underneath anger is pain, hurt and sadness ‘Why has this happened to me?!’ and anger gives us easy access to expressing those feelings.

Bargaining

How can I make it all right again?’, we can become lost in a sea of ‘What if…?’ and ‘If only…’. Maybe if I promise to be good everything can be back to how it was. ‘It’s all my fault, if only I had … everything would still be alright’.

Sadness/Depression/Apathy

When we realise that bargaining will not restore the loss we move squarely into the present and we begin to experience sadness as the grief enters our lives a deeper level. This is often the stage that some people believe ‘goes on too long’ or that they need to be ‘snapped of’, indeed people often say this to themselves. Experiencing sadness and allowing the grief in after all the stages of holding the loss at bay, is the beginning of acceptance.

Acceptance

People often confuse this stage with being ‘better’ or ‘over it’. Actually few people ever feel truly OK about great loss, but our lives begin to regrow around our loss. Acceptance may simply allow us to begin to function easier or to have more good days than bad and to begin to look forward again.

The process of grief is sometimes described as waves; when we first experience loss the waves seem huge, dangerous and all around. Over the days, months and years when we remember what we have lost we experience these waves of grief and each time they seem a little calmer than last but rarely do they go entirely.

Useful Resources

Child Death Helpline – 0800 282 986,
www.childdeathhelpline.org.uk

Cruse Bereavement Care – 0844 477 9400,
www.cruse.org.uk

Hospice UK – 020 7520 8200 – info@hospiceuk.org
Hospiceuk.org

Living Well Dying Well
www.livingwelldyingwell.net

Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide – 0844 561 6855,
www.uk-sobs.org.uk

Funeral Services Guide
www.funeralservicesguide.com

Girl Grieving by the sea
Grief, mourning and bereavement are just a few words used to describe the time we spend adjusting to loss. Most of us grieve when we lose something that is important to us, maybe a loved one or a relationship.

 

 

Some people describe feeling nothing, numb or empty after a loss and may not begin the process of grieving until weeks, months or even years later.  And we will each experience loss in different ways and with different feelings.

Grief can feel unbearable, but it is important and necessary to help us heal.

‘There is no growth without loss, there also is no loss without growth’ – Elisabeth Kubler Ross

Stages of Grief

Kubler-Ross talks about the feelings and stages of loss that we all go through at our own pace;

Denial

Some people describe grief as all-consuming, filling every part of their body and mind and the world can suddenly seem overwhelming and denying our loss can help us survive, help us to cope with carrying on through our day-to-day tasks.

Anger

We need to experience anger as part of the healing process and our anger could be directed in so many places; at the loved one for leaving us, at the doctors, at the family around. Underneath anger is pain, hurt and sadness ‘Why has this happened to me?!’ and anger gives us easy access to expressing those feelings.

Bargaining

How can I make it all right again?’, we can become lost in a sea of ‘What if…?’ and ‘If only…’. Maybe if I promise to be good everything can be back to how it was. ‘It’s all my fault, if only I had … everything would still be alright’.

Sadness/Depression/Apathy

When we realise that bargaining will not restore the loss we move squarely into the present and we begin to experience sadness as the grief enters our lives a deeper level. This is often the stage that some people believe ‘goes on too long’ or that they need to be ‘snapped of’, indeed people often say this to themselves. Experiencing sadness and allowing the grief in after all the stages of holding the loss at bay, is the beginning of acceptance.

Acceptance

People often confuse this stage with being ‘better’ or ‘over it’. Actually few people ever feel truly OK about great loss, but our lives begin to regrow around our loss. Acceptance may simply allow us to begin to function easier or to have more good days than bad and to begin to look forward again.

The process of grief is sometimes described as waves; when we first experience loss the waves seem huge, dangerous and all around. Over the days, months and years when we remember what we have lost we experience these waves of grief and each time they seem a little calmer than last but rarely do they go entirely.

Useful Resources

Child Death Helpline – 0800 282 986,
www.childdeathhelpline.org.uk

Cruse Bereavement Care – 0844 477 9400,
www.cruse.org.uk

Hospice UK – 020 7520 8200 – info@hospiceuk.org
Hospiceuk.org

Living Well Dying Well
www.livingwelldyingwell.net

Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide – 0844 561 6855,
www.uk-sobs.org.uk

Funeral Services Guide
www.funeralservicesguide.com

How can counselling help?

Many people find grief hard to understand, and harder to cope with. Some tell themselves they ‘should’ be feeling better by now or they can’t cope. Counselling provides a safe place dedicated to you to discuss whatever you wish and without judgement.

Active Thinking ... our blog

The Love Trap

I’ve been bad :( It’s mental health awareness week again and I realise I haven’t posted for ages :(( In fact while I'm kicking myself, I’ve also been eating too much sugar and I haven’t done enough exercise, the car needs washing and ... :(((( I can feel my head...

Who needs feelings anyway?

Someone once described emotions as lights on our dashboard. They indicate that something needs our attention under the hood. We can ignore the light, turn it off, even break it. We may be able to carry on for a while, maybe indefinitely limp along, but is it safe and are we the best us that we can be? The problem doesn’t go away unless we look at it.

And…how are you?

This time of year there are traditionally two strong messages circulating from all corners of society.

The Anxious Child

WARNING: the following post is NOT yet another reason to feel like a bad parent. No need to grit your teeth in anguish as you anticipate being shown yet another error in your ways. If your child is fed, deflead and relatively clean, had a real vegetable at some point...

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