Grief, Loss & Bereavement

Grief, Loss & Bereavement

Grief, loss and bereavement are just a few words used to describe the time we spend adjusting to loss. Most of us grieve when we lose something that is important to us, maybe a loved one or a relationship.

Some people describe feeling nothing, numb or empty after a loss and may not begin the process of grieving until weeks, months or even years later.  And we will each experience loss in different ways and with different feelings.

Grief can feel unbearable, but it is important and necessary to help us heal.

“There is no growth without loss, there also is no loss without growth” – Elisabeth Kubler Ross

Stages of Grief

Kubler-Ross talks about the feelings and stages of loss that we all go through at our own pace;

Useful Resources

Useful Resources

Samaritans – 116 123
http://www.samaritans.org/

The Silver Line – 0800 4 70 80 90
https://www.thesilverline.org.uk/

1. Denial

Some people describe grief as all-consuming, filling every part of their body and mind and the world can suddenly seem overwhelming and denying our loss can help us survive, help us to cope with carrying on through our day-to-day tasks.

2. Anger

We need to experience anger as part of the healing process and our anger could be directed in so many places; at the loved one for leaving us, at the doctors, at the family around. Underneath anger is pain, hurt and sadness ‘Why has this happened to me?!’ and anger gives us easy access to expressing those feelings.

3. Bargaining

How can I make it all right again?’, we can become lost in a sea of ‘What if…?’ and ‘If only…’. Maybe if I promise to be good everything can be back to how it was. ‘It’s all my fault, if only I had … everything would still be alright’.

4. Sadness/Depression/Apathy

When we realise that bargaining will not restore the loss we move squarely into the present and we begin to experience sadness as the grief enters our lives a deeper level. This is often the stage that some people believe ‘goes on too long’ or that they need to be ‘snapped of’, indeed people often say this to themselves. Experiencing sadness and allowing the grief in after all the stages of holding the loss at bay, is the beginning of acceptance.

How can counselling help?

Many people find grief hard to understand, and harder to cope with. Some tell themselves they ‘should’ be feeling better by now or they can’t cope. Counselling provides a safe place dedicated to you to discuss whatever you wish and without judgement.

5. Acceptance

People often confuse this stage with being ‘better’ or ‘over it’. Actually few people ever feel truly OK about great loss, but our lives begin to regrow around our loss. Acceptance may simply allow us to begin to function easier or to have more good days than bad and to begin to look forward again.

The process of grief is sometimes described as waves; when we first experience loss the waves seem huge, dangerous and all around. Over the days, months and years when we remember what we have lost we experience these waves of grief and each time they seem a little calmer than last but rarely do they go entirely.

 

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Decision-making - counselling

Everything has a price. The subtle art of decision making.

Maybe you’re ready to make that big decision, or multiple decisions. Maybe you’re clinging awkwardly to the barbed wire of that fence. Maybe you understand why you’re choosing to stay where you are. What ever the case it could be time to stop facing your desire to make change alone.

Pull-Yourself-Together - Counselling

‘Pull Yourself Together’ – Kinder words than you think?

Breathing techniques are the easy bit. If the source or cause of your distress or unhelpful behaviour feels bigger than your capacity to make change, then counselling can help.

The love trap - Ben Wrigley

The Love Trap

Unconditional love is something we all crave and we have all craved since we were babies and guess what, we do actually deserve it

Feelings Dashboard - Counselling

Who needs feelings anyway?

Living life without feelings is surely not living life to the full, it’s like blurred vision, muffled sound or numb touching.

how-are-you - counselling

And … How are you?

This time of year can be really hard for so many of us and for so many reasons. Counselling can be a helpful space for you to be what you need to be.

Anxious Child - Counselling

The Anxious Child

Take a breath dear superhero. We live in a world where we have forgotten how to model calm.

Advice from yourself - counselling

Can you take advice from yourself?

In counselling there can be many exercises that help us to become aware of how we keep ourselves in places we don’t actually want to be. The process of speaking these things out loud to another person, to be shared and understood together, can dramatically change our perspective.

river or dam- counselling

Are you the River or the Dam?

Counselling can help you find and uncover and understand your dams and help you to re-identify with yourself while you decide if you wish to remove them. Is it time to talk?

Defences - counselling

Defences – Are they as good as they seem?

Counselling is a place you can explore the defences you have spent many years developing and honing. They were your friend once, without a doubt. Are they still helping you now?

Men Stress - counselling

Men, Stress and a Badge of Honour

In counselling you will not be judged for expressing what you are really feeling, you will not be doubted. We are interested less in the facts of what you need to achieve, than how you are affected by the expectations. It is an opportunity to talk freely and explore any options you may have.

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